// Got different people inside my head//

I wonder which one that they like best?

// I know what you want to know//

and I’m just so sorry.

But I don’t think I can tell you that.

To be wrong all along and admit is not amazing grace 
But to be loved like a song you remember 
Even when you’ve changed 

// We get wet, we corrode and now we’re covered up in rust. //

Naturally, I will think about that lyric for hours, and apply in some metaphorical way to my life. Then I looked at the words of the rest of the song. Well then. Oh, there’s one verse in there that… nevermind. It’s time to sleep.

Sometimes I feel like if I knew how to really read music and thereby learn to write some too, that I would write a song. I tried my hand at some semblance of lyrics before. I keep singing someone else’s words as if I first thought them myself because I suppose that’s easier. When I make an attempt to rhyme, I sound as juvenile as I fear I sound in my head. How do those  songwriters—the chosen ones—do that anyway? It’s so much easier to combine color, texture, and materials than to juxtapose emotions against a melody.

I will not fall
Once more I’m called
Time comes for all
Then dark is whole

But oh, my heart was flawed
I knew my weakness
So hold my hand
Subscribe me not to darkness

I will not speak of your sin
There is a way out for him
The mirror shows not
Your values are shot

But oh, my heart was flawed
I knew my weakness
So hold my hand
Subscribe me not to darkness

And I fall short

But oh, my heart was flawed
I knew my weakness
So hold my hand
Subscribe me not to darkness

              “To Darkness”, Mumford & Sons

// star of wonder//

Lovely, lovely song by Sufjan Stevens…

I call you
From the comet’s cradle
I found you
Trembling by yourself
When the night falls
Lightly on your right-wing shoulder
Wonderful know-it-all
Slightly where the night gets colder

Oh, conscience,
Where will you carry me?
I found you
Star of terrifying effigies
When the night falls
I carry myself to the fortress
Of your glorious cause
Oh, I may seek your fortress

When the night falls
We see the star of wonder
Wonderful night falls
We see you
We see you

I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to the yard
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to my heart
[Repeat x 10]

Merry Christmas. <3

// the last time.//

I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. Innocent (relatively), not naive. I don’t forget what I came from, what I’ve experienced, where I’ve made mistakes. I’m honest with myself, and I’ll be honest with you.

I still am desperately human. Part of me yearns for companionship, to be needed by someone. Haven’t we all been there? It can waver, fade, or what have you, but I think no matter where we are in our journey of life. I am doing a disservice to myself and anyone who knows me to deny this.

Songwriters produce material out of experience. Their experience is part of the formation of their truth, their story. 

Today I was listening to “Last Time” by Shea Seger from her CD “The May Street Project”. Ladies—often enough, we have a sense of what is best for us, but we’ll go back to the same person, the same situation, the same type that may comfortable but could be detrimental to us. This song speaks to that. And we can swear up and down that it’s the “last time”… but in our humanness, that weakness… well, it might not actually turn out that way.

So, the lyrics:

Take some sense
And I’ll stumble home 
It’s been a while since I’ve been alone 
I’ll break some bread and I’ll pour some wine 
The conversation will be all mine 
But if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time 

Bits and pieces of the night before 
Candle wax lying on the floor 
Scraps of paper you’re not meant to find 
A broken clock still telling time 
But if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time 

There must be something I don’t recognize 
There’s something here I don’t realize 
A red sun on my windowpane 
And next to me I see you again 
And if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time

That’s all I guess. Good night :)