// In the past seven days…//

I have seen the end of one earthly life. I have seen my friends celebrate the entry of their child into the world.

Celebrated the anniversary of my entry into the world.

Been part of a celebration of the union of a friend that I have known for over half of my life, and the man she is committing herself to for the rest of hers.

2012… you’re one heck of a year.

And what I have learned from this… or what has been reinforced, which I likely already knew… is that I must invest myself in what truly matters.

// Rose Tyler//

I think I get it.

She didn’t give up. She came back even  when he said it was dangerous. Even when the Doctor said it was better for her to leave. Even when he said just to live a good life for him. She came back. She knew it was worth it.

I wish I had her boldness.

// a dusting of snow//

Sibling relationships. They can be quite tricky, no? 

Woke up this morning thinking about how incredibly blessed I am to have the sister I do. In the past 6 months, I have communicated with my sister more than I was able to in the span of her 4 years at the Coast Guard Academy. (Ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration… but not by much.) 

When I observe something totally strange, funny, or thought-provoking now, I know just the person who will understand best or who will get the ‘joke’. She is all the way across the country right now, but she might as well have been right beside me, seeing it with her own eyes. I know just who will have a witty reply, and could imagine her smile and laugh. 

Growing up, my sister and I had quite the relationship. We did some silly things together. 

Let’s have an Easter afterparty, Gwen—let’s throw Easter grass all around the living room and dance around!

Great April Fools’ Joke—wrap everything in our bedroom in plastic gimp. (Uh, well, joke’s on us??)

How about we pronounce everything backwards for a while?

SWING OLYMPICS!! (Sorry, dear, I wasn’t abandoning you at that one resort… dangit, I can be flighty…)

We were part of the South Jersey rugby clan. That was a family affair. In the South Jersey Devils’ hey-day… the players were all dedicated dads, and brought their kids to the pitch, and what a bunch we all were!!!

There were so many adventures to be had.

Then middle school happened. I don’t know what it is about adolescence and teenage years that can nearly destroy the bond sisters have. But it was rough. REAL rough. Those fights degraded to verbal and psychological warfare. I’m sorry. It wasn’t what it should have been.

But then off we went to college. How everything changed!

I think, when we get dressed each morning, the ensembles we choose are kinda diametrically opposed. (Since we both are fashionistas, I figure it’s worth mentioning). You are quite the classy lady, dearie!!

I can’t imagine life without you, sis. If anyone hurts you… they better beware. But honestly, you could do a job on them all by yourself ;)

You’re pretty much the furthest away from me of all the valued people in my life—only in terms of distance. No human being knows me like you do. 

That was on my mind this morning. Thank God for sisters. 

// star of wonder//

Lovely, lovely song by Sufjan Stevens…

I call you
From the comet’s cradle
I found you
Trembling by yourself
When the night falls
Lightly on your right-wing shoulder
Wonderful know-it-all
Slightly where the night gets colder

Oh, conscience,
Where will you carry me?
I found you
Star of terrifying effigies
When the night falls
I carry myself to the fortress
Of your glorious cause
Oh, I may seek your fortress

When the night falls
We see the star of wonder
Wonderful night falls
We see you
We see you

I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to the yard
I see the stars coming down there
Coming down there to my heart
[Repeat x 10]

Merry Christmas. <3

// the last time.//

I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. Innocent (relatively), not naive. I don’t forget what I came from, what I’ve experienced, where I’ve made mistakes. I’m honest with myself, and I’ll be honest with you.

I still am desperately human. Part of me yearns for companionship, to be needed by someone. Haven’t we all been there? It can waver, fade, or what have you, but I think no matter where we are in our journey of life. I am doing a disservice to myself and anyone who knows me to deny this.

Songwriters produce material out of experience. Their experience is part of the formation of their truth, their story. 

Today I was listening to “Last Time” by Shea Seger from her CD “The May Street Project”. Ladies—often enough, we have a sense of what is best for us, but we’ll go back to the same person, the same situation, the same type that may comfortable but could be detrimental to us. This song speaks to that. And we can swear up and down that it’s the “last time”… but in our humanness, that weakness… well, it might not actually turn out that way.

So, the lyrics:

Take some sense
And I’ll stumble home 
It’s been a while since I’ve been alone 
I’ll break some bread and I’ll pour some wine 
The conversation will be all mine 
But if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time 

Bits and pieces of the night before 
Candle wax lying on the floor 
Scraps of paper you’re not meant to find 
A broken clock still telling time 
But if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time 

There must be something I don’t recognize 
There’s something here I don’t realize 
A red sun on my windowpane 
And next to me I see you again 
And if I wake up with you 
It will be the last time 
And if I still adore you 
It will be the last time 
And if I stumble to you 
It will be the last time

That’s all I guess. Good night :)